When I first told people that I was thinking about having a baby with my partner, I was very selective about who I told. I felt very protective of the whole concept. It felt like it was this fragile little wish made of the thinnest, most delicate glass. Glass that could shatter at any second and with it, my heart.
My Support Team
Some people were unquestioningly supportive. These lovely people were so appreciated. Kind words, genuine enthusiasm, and unbridled support had such a bolstering effect on my fragile wish. I felt stronger for having shared it.
Others decided it was their job to ask the hard questions. “Why??” was the main concern of these people. “Why have a baby and why now?” I guess they decided that if I was going to be trying for something that was that outrageous, they were ok with it; if my motives were… I don’t know… pure? Appropriate? Not pathetic? I still am not sure. I really didn’t ask.
Initially, I was a little insulted. There was a part of me that was miffed that I should have to explain myself; insulted that my judgement would even be questioned. Eventually, reason kicked in. These were people that I had selected to be on my support team. My People. They weren’t being rude. They were just doing their jobs.
In my humble opinion, a support team or community isn’t one that tells you how awesome everything you are thinking and doing is. As great as all that sounds and feels, there is some value to those who are willing, out of loving concern for you, to make sure you have thought everything through. Asked the hard questions.
Lets Do This!
With this change of heart, I whole heartedly engaged in those conversations. We thought about worse case scenarios together. Spoke the scary unspeakable thoughts. Instead of allowing the self doubt and fears to exist only in my head, we gave everything its time in the daylight.
I am glad we took that time, did the hard work. Not just for them, my people. For me, as well. In the beginning, I didn’t really have the words. It was this quiet little wishful urge that swirled around inside me. As I acknowledge it, it became more, but indescribable. Speaking about my little wish out loud gave it substance, gave it meaning and gave me words.
So, really. Why Have a Baby?
Just for fun (and curiosity) I decided to check out why other people wanted to have children. I combed the internet, asked friends and family and compiled a list of main reasons for wanting children. The one thing I have noticed is that the timing is irrelevant. When the baby bug gets you, it gets you. You do what you can to make it happen. As for that list:
- The desire to create a family.
- To carry on the family name and values.
- For the love of babies and small children.
- To give and receive unconditional love.
- To fix the mistakes of their parents.
- To relive the joys of their childhood through their children.
- Parenting is a basic instinct. (psychmechanics.com)
- Social pressure and expectations.
- Saving a relationship.
- To become a better person.
- To contribute to society
- Because Pope Francis and/or Elon Musk say so.
- I finally found the right person.
Before I go, I wanted to leave you with this little list I found at Focus On The Family It makes my heart happy and I can’t help but smile whenever I read it:
- Babies are wealth.
- Babies add meaning and goodness.
- Babies shape our souls
- Babies are a continuous source of hope.
Now doesn’t that smile feel good?
